Everthing is not okay
by NekoNekoNekoChhhaan
Summary: "I'm just a girl who's acts like she's 'fine'. But am I really? Who knows? Everything is different now." Amu, a girl who acts cheerful, but behind those smiles, she hides her sorrowful tear from society. Amu isn't as happy as you thought she was. Can she be saved? Shout out to Kazumi Rin for helping me with the summary.
1. Prolouge

**Author note- First time lol so yea idk**

**Disclaimer- I DO NOT OWN SHUGO CHARA.**

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I'm just a girl suffering through depression but it doesn't matter. I admit I'm not the same person I used to be. I hate my life and I hate everything. Is happiness too much to ask for..? To be honest nothing matters to me I feel so empty. I feel like I'm always going stay in this position of depression. And I always feel like there nothing I can do about it. I can't do anything right and I'm just a failure in life. Everything at school I do is an act. Myself at home is even an act the real me who I want to be and for everyone to see died already. **_EVERYTHING WAS AN ACT_**.

The girl who died? She gave up, she committed suicide in her body mentally and now she awaits herself to die physically. Her body was full of scars she doesn't care if anyone sees them she embraced it but she wasn't proud of it. But every time she looked at her scars she didn't regret it she cried and told herself she fucking deserved this. The old her died... What about the new one? She puts herself down over and over thinking she not good enough or whatever. The new one tortures her with deep wounded cuts and negative thoughts all day and every day.

To think back in the days where I was just happy was a long time ago. I can't even remember my old self the person I was once before. But it doesn't matter, nothing matters I've given up but why are I still here? because I'm too much of a coward to leave yet. But get this I have friends that care but I feel like they don't. I'm that girl who everyone thinks I'm happy, they're mistaken I'm no near that. I'm just a girl who can't feel anything but negativity. I lie to myself and think everything going to be alright and that there's a reason to live for. But lately it hasn't been working. People expect me to meet their expectation but I can't. People who tell me get over it... Do you think I can? Do you expect me to be Ms. Little Perfect? No I can't do that I'm just a girl a normal ordinary girl looking for hope and happiness and trying to escape the negativity. I'm Amu a 13 year-old girl who suffering through depression.

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**Author Note- Thanks for reading I hoped you like it**

**Read and Review(x thanks.**


	2. Chapter 1

**Author N-Hi Guys I know I'm really bad at my grammar so yea... **

** TheLightBeforeWeLand I really like to thank you for reviewing and giving me your opinion you don't know how this means lol. I hope You enjoy 1 Chapter i think its boring but whatever**

**disclaimer I DO NOT OWN SHUGO CHARA. **

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**Day 1**

Amu P.O.V

Waking up is a pain, great another crappy day for me, not that I'm surprised of. As I get up and got dressed I check my phone and saw bunch of notifications… why am I not surprised, a whole bunch of text messages from people who hate me… Aha it's so funny how they think it alright to send me messages how I'm a "Slut", "Bitch", "Whore" and etc. You know I have feelings right? Well obviously they don't care. Oh look another new message "Hey slutty bitch. Guess what? I hope you die." Aha wow your funny as tears fell out my eyes. I collapsed on the floor crying saying to myself "Why me?" over and over. I looked at the time I was going be late for the bus. I washed my faced and I headed out walking to the bus. As I arrived at the bus stop I saw one my best friend Rima, she waved at me smiling, I smiled but of course it was a fake smile, no one could tell anyways so like it matters. Rima came up to me with such an amazing beautiful smile. I sometimes wish I can smile like her, her smile was so on point and gorgeous. As I was spacing out she kept calling my name.

"Ne ne Amu? Earth to Amu?" Rima asked.

"Huuh? Sorry I was just spacing out." I told her.

"I could kind of tell." Rima retorted.

"Yea whatever look bus is here let's go." I said.

"But but I didn't get to tell you…" Rima whined.

"Tell me later in first period!" I yelled.

I could tell that Rima gave me the look of being mad but I know she would get over it. As I arrived at school it was time to put on my fake smile and my fake self. As the first bell rang I entered the school I went straight to my class drop my books off then head to my locker doing the routine I usually do. Class, Locker, Class. As I was putting my bag in my locker I saw my ex Tadase. Don't get me wrong I don't hate him but I honestly think he hates me, but like I care it doesn't matter to me anyways. I walked past him and noticed he shot a quick glance at me. I chuckled. As my way walking to class I saw one of my closest friends Utau.

"Amu ne how are you?" Utau asked.

"I'm better than before I think..?" I questioned myself.

"You sure don't you dare lie to me!" Utau said.

"Sure whatever look I got to get to class or else I'll be late!" I yelled.

"Hey HAVE A GOOD DAY!" Utau yelled.

"THANKS YOU TOO!" I shouted.

As I continued to walk to class, I entered the classroom I putted on my fake self and acted as if I was such a happy looking girl, but really I wasn't. The bell rang and class had started. As I get lost in my world I started think to about Utau and how she's always been there for me. She knows everything about me well that's because I told her everything, but I trusted her with everything. We've been through thick and thin, we were always there for each other no matter what, she was one of my best friends that I love. Not only that she was perfect, her smile was beautiful, her style of dressing is amazing…Then I realized I got carried away thinking about Utau I didn't realize that the teacher called on me 4 times for attendance. Whoops. But anyways we didn't really do anything in class it was a free day today so I got fantasized all I wanted. But oh wait Rima was going to tell me something earlier today!

"Rima come here!" I asked.

"Hai I'll be there in a sec." she yelled.

"Alright." I said.

Rima came…

"Yes, Amu is there something you want?" she asked in question toned.

"Umm yea you were going tell me something in the morning bus stop remembers..?" I told her.

"Oh yeah I forgot sorry… "she said.

"Its aright people forget sometime. So what were you going tell me..?" I asked.

"Oh umm how should I put this... actually never mind!" she said quickly.

"Wait what… Oh come on just tell me." I said.

"I said never mind!" she said.

"Ugh whatever fine." I groaned.

Our conversation ended. Ugh I groaned second period Language arts. I truly think this school hates me and the teachers too, but that's my opinion. I arrived at my class we had a book report to do today. Teacher told us to pick any topic. I chose Depression because lately I of course have been through it. Teacher questioned me and looked at me weirdly but she didn't say a word. I sit in my desk quietly just thinking about life. I couldn't help but hear people say over and over "Hey did you see the new kid? He so unattractive." I couldn't help but to think to myself…Who do you think you are. I may not know the kid but you have no right say that. But I couldn't really say that because it bad enough I get cyber bully, I didn't want get bully by the "Popular kids". I started too dozed off into lala land. I'm Amu everyone knows the fake me and everyone happy with the fake me, people think I'm myself but I'm not because I'm not sure who I am either. Every hour of the day I think to myself saying why I exist in a world like this. I wanted to escape to leave a place and fled into a "Happy Land". But that was going to never happen. I have many friends but I chose to open up to 3 people who I deeply care of, now don't get me wrong I care for the others but not as much as my main 3 because I love them so much and thanked them for always supporting me and they were: Rima , Kukai , Utau.

Depression wasn't easy get over, the fact that I got I cyber bullied, failing classes, getting put down by my parents. All those things were hard to surpass, it just wasn't easy to get over… People told me get over it, but they don't understand my view-point. That's why I was too scared to tell people my feelings because I was always afraid they would look at me as an over dramatic person or how I'm a attention whore, but I'm really not and what I'm really scared of was if I told more people about it I was always scared that they leave me, I was scared of being alone in a dark world like this, so basically it was so hard for me to expressed. To be honest my friends were important to me than family the fact my parents hated me and loved Ami instead. I was the forgotten one when Ami was born. But that doesn't matter to me anymore I have my friends to support me.

**DING-DONG!**

I had just noticed that language arts had ended next was social studies. I grabbed my stuff headed out going to my next class. As I entered the class I was the big words "TESTING TODAY" Crap I totally forgot about this, I'm clearly going to fail the test. I prayed Wish me for luck. The bell rang we sat in our seats and the teacher handed out our test. I looked at the test and I was surprised I knew most of the answers! I gave myself a silent laugh saying this was easy. Oh wait, never mind I take it back we had to write an essay too. I groaned Ugh damn you teacher! I was pretty sure I would either get a B or A since I knew most of the answers… and the others I guessed at… I think to myself I'm such a failure in life. I was just in time finishing my test when class ended. I was off to 4th period. Just 2 more classes thank the lord.

**_To be continued.._**

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**A/N- Again I'm sorry for the horrible grammar its frustrating but I'm working on it though**

**please Read and review if you like and I appreciate if you give your honest opinions even though they could be a bit harsh. **


	3. Chapter 2

**Hai Guys Chap 2 out finally Sorry keep you waiting. I spent a day revising but I still thinks it's no good. I have horrible grammar so yea... I think it getting mainstream but im workin on it so yea. **

**Disclaimer- Do not Own SHUGO CHARA. **

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Chapter 2

**Day 1**

**Continued…**

**Amu P.O.V**

I went to 4th period and saw Utau, Utau and I had 2 classes together 4th and 5th. 4th period was the longest hour so we would talk a lot and rant a lot. Today in 4th period was open gym and so Utau and I decided just walk around the gym. So we began ranting, and all of sudden Utau was saying that she was pissed off at me because earlier in the day she saw me and Yaya talking and I looked really happy and laughing and that somehow pissed her off.

"I'm ashamed of you." Utau said.

"Why…?" I questioned.

"Because it pisses me off when I see you smiling and happy, and that I know it wasn't you it was the fake you." Utau explained.

"See this why you're my best friend you know me so well, your right it wasn't the real me, but it seemed like she was happy with the fake me." I explained.

"Yea and that's what got me pissed off to see that she was happy with the fake you… I know sounds selfish but I honestly want to see the real you, your smile, laugh just everything." Utau explained.

"Well I'm sorry that I pissed you off and like I said I don't know the real me either. I told you she died long ago." I said

"Well maybe she hid..?" Utau questioned.

"I don't even know Utau; just leave it at this point. You realized I'm going pissed you off even more right?" I asked.

"Wait why?" Utau wondered.

"Because you're always going to see my fake side, and never the real me." I explained.

Utau made that face where she was angry but she didn't let it get to her she replied to me and said," Yes I know but someday I'll be see your happy face the real you," and right then gym class ended and next was lunch. Alright lunch time. I changed out my gym clothes to wear my regular clothes and headed out to the cafeteria. I had seen Kukai I waved and said," Hi Kukai!" I quickly went in line to retrieve my lunch. I sat next Kukai and Utau, the 3 of us had same lunch except for Rima, but it was alright because Rima and I were very close. As Utau and Kukai and I were eating I was getting dozed off by Kukai… I didn't want yet admit I had feelings for him, but let's just say it was simple tiny crush..? But it doesn't matter I didn't want to ruin me and Kukai friendship. Kukai was my best guy friend I could opened up too, he acted as my big brother and I admired that a lot, he was just the best guy friend I could ever asked for. Even though I liked him just a bit it didn't bother me because I know there was no chance, because I knew that Kukai liked Utau and Utau liked him so I knew eventually I get over him.

I snapped back into reality and I noticed Kukai and Utau talking they acted so cute together, like a real couple it kind of pissed me off how both them won't admit they liked each other! Oh that's right the other day me and Kukai were talking and he said he was going to asked her out… That guy hasn't even tried he needs to man up! Whatever lunch had ended I threw my lunch away and headed to next class but Kukai came up behind me and hugged me.

"What do you think you're doing?" I said

"I'm giving you a hug!" Kukai said.

"Not a good Idea… shouldn't you go hug Utau?" I questioned

"She didn't want my hug!" Kukai whined.

"Well class is about to start I got to go!" I said.

"Wait can I get another hug please?" he asked.

"Ugh fine" I groaned.

I hugged Kukai for the last time I headed off to class and I heard Kukai say "Have a nice day, I love you Amu!" Everyone looked at me, I blushed, what is he doing with his life he should say that to Utau instead, whatever I'm going to yell at him later in 6th period. Oh I forgot we had 6th period together. I was pretty sure I was going to be late for 5th period I made it in time luckily but Utau looked at me.

"So what's up with you and Kukai?" Utau asked.

"Nothing he just wanted a hug because someone rejected his… Ehem Utau." I replied

"Whatever but I was going to say you guys would honestly look cute together!" Utau said.

"Oh. Umm…No I don't think so." I said.

"Aha come on you guys would!" Utau laughed.

"Says the girl who likes him" I retorted.

"Oh shut up Amu!" Utau said with blush face.

I laughed at Utau with her little adorable blushing face. It was so cute yet hilarious. I continued doing my work editing videos for 5th period it was such a pain in the butt. I admit I'm kind of lazy but that explains a lot about my failing classes. School isn't my thing. I hate being at school because I feel like I'm stupid at it and a failure at it. I'm pretty sure I'm going end up as a hobo with all these grades. Class ended in 5th next was 6th ugh math I groaned I honestly don't like math but it was better than science I hate science it like the worst thing. As I arrived in 6th period math class I saw Kukai.

"Amu come here I need help with this problem." Kukai yelled.

"Umm… I'm not good at math and you know it too Kukai." I replied.

"But at least try..! Please?" Kukai asked.

"How about no instead. I'm sorry I'm not good at this and you know it too Kukai..." I said.

"Ugh fine…" Kukai groaned.

Math class had started and I already dosed off, and not that it's a bad thing but it's a habit now. I guess it was in the middle. I snapped out of it and already I had no idea what was happening. I had to ask Kukai but he had no idea either... Figures he's Kukai after all. The teacher was done explaining our assignment … I was so lost I couldn't even understand anything. Time passed by really fast .I was so happy to go home and just relax. I went on bus and sat with Rima she was somewhat silent that was very usual… I honestly didn't want bother her, I thought she wanted to be alone and have her peace so I gave it to her. The bus dropped me off I went straight home… But later when I got home…

I came home walked in the door saw my parents on the couch like they've been waiting for me. I asked them what was happening they held out there hand and there was a white paper and said with big black letters "**REPORT CARD" **crap I totally forgot about this.

"Take a look at this! TAKE A LOOK AT IT!" Amu parents yelled.

"Look I'm trying my best..." I explained.

"BEST? 3 D'S AND 1'F'S AND 2 B'S YOU CALLED THAT YOUR BEST..? HUH!" Amu parents yelled.

"Yes I call it my best it's hard okay, you wouldn't understand anything. Why? Because all you do is care for Ami… AMI THIS AND AMI THAT." I replied.

"Well maybe it's because we don't want Ami to grow up and be like you! A daughter WHO'S ALWAYS GOING TO BE A FAILURE IN LIFE. "Amu parents shouted

"You know what? I'm done." I said.

I ran in to my room with my eyes full of tears. I went in my bed and started crying so much. I couldn't help it but I grabbed a knife and started to cut my arms, my arms were full of scars but it didn't matter I was going make scars like it or not. While I was cutting my arms I was crying also. I made 10 new cuts on my arm, there was blood on the knife and on my arm, and blood dripped down my arms. I started to cry even more saying negative things. This is the real me why do I even exist, if my parents don't love me, and why do I receive hate from anonymous people. I started crying harder saying "WHY ME… JUST WHY ME I DON'T GET THIS. WHAT DID I DO TO DESEVRED THIS! WHAT DID I DO.?" After I've had enough torturing myself I took sleeping pills to escape from this world and return to dream land.

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**A/N-Hay guys hope you liked it..? Nah lol Sorry grammar **

**Read and review.. Leave suggestions thanks.. **


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N Hi Guys Sorry i didn't update until now. Here's the latest okok sorry and I'm working on my grammar still okay.**

**DISCLAIMER- I DO NO OWN SHUGO CHARA. **

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**Chapter 3**

**Day 2**

Amu P.O.V

Its 7:30 AM I woke up trying to refresh my memory of what had happen yesterday. Oh that's right I got yelled at my parents. I tried moving my arm but for some reason it sting like heck. Oh that's right I had made new 10 cuts on my arm. I'm not even surprised at all. I went to the bathroom I looked at myself and noticed I looked so horrible with puffy red eyes. How was I going to school with my eyes likes this? Should I skip? Ugh what should I do..? I'll just wear a black hoodie cover my face..? Wait not I can't do that it going sting my cuts, whatever it's for the best. I went to get the alcohol to clean of my cuts so I wouldn't get infections. I found the alcohol I grabbed a cotton ball and dabbed it on my arm, and for the love of god it burned like hell. I took the bandages and wrapped it around my arms so that it would heal. I put everything away and went to my room and got dressed and to get ready. I went downstairs and saw my parents adoring Ami, and I don't hate Ami or anything but the way Ami acts is stuck up and selfish. I went to get breakfast and headed out the door. I was late for the bus. Crap I guess I'll walk it would stall class time 1st and 2nd period. I honestly hated those 2 periods, Science and Language Arts.

**Time Skip…**

I made it just in time when 3rd period started I'm glad that I skipped 1st and 2nd period I went office to retrieve my admit slip. (A slip that's shows you were absent from yesterday or wasn't in class today.)I filled out the slip and went to my class 3rd period Social Studies. I went in and it was totally not awkward going into the class while the teacher talking and everyone was looking at me. No I'm kidding it was totally awkward. I sat down in my seat acting like nothing happened. I was in 3rd period correcting my test and I actually did pretty well surprisingly. I finished correcting my test, and all of a sudden I started getting nauseous… Next thing I knew I was passed out.

**_Dream…_**

**_"What's happening…?" I questioned._**

**_"Amu you have to listen to me…" Kukai said._**

**_"No! No! Don't touch me!" I yelled._**

**_"Amu you need to listen to me please." Kukai replied. _**

**_"Don't touch me! Just don't touch me… Go away please." I cried._**

**_"Amu please listens to me you need to understand..." Kukai said._**

**_ I cut Kukai sentence off and said "No don't, don't please Kukai." While sobbing I didn't want to hear it. NO! Kukai tried to grab me and pull me into a hug I refused "NO STOP DON'T COME NEAR ME! STEP BACK!" I cried. Kukai tried one more time to grab me in to a hug he succeeded. I cried in to his chest harder… He patted my back saying everything going to be alright. Kukai tried to make me feel calm but I ended up crying even more…_**

**_END_**

I woke up in the nurses office on my right was Utau and Kukai and on my left was Rima; my 3 best friends were there with me. I felt safe and glad. Utau told me I was crying when I was asleep telling me that I kept saying "Don't touch me." Figures because that's what exactly kind of happened in my dream. Utau, Rima, and Kukai asked me what happen. But to be honest I don't really know what to say… Should I tell them? But I have to they're my best friends.

"Amu what exactly did you do?" All 3 of them asked

"Umm… Okay yesterday when I arrived home I got yelled at by my parents because of my report card. They told me I was a Failure in life and that's I was just a disappointment… I ran to my room and took out my knife and made 10 new cuts, I cried and cried even harder and to make it worse I took 6 sleeping pills… and I think it was the sleeping pills that knocked me out…" I replied.

After telling the 3 of them my story I showed my 10 new cuts on my arm. I pulled up my sleeves unwrapped my bandages and showed them my cuts. They looked at me in concern.

"Amu why would you do this?" Utau asked.

"Because I feel like nothing matters to me I've given up already." I replied

"Amu we loved so much and it tears us apart how you're torturing yourself like this." All 3 of them said.

"I know that you love me but it's just so hard I don't know what to do anymore…" I replied

"You got to stay strong Amu no matter what." Rima said

"I've been trying for 3 years already… I'm at my breaking point." I cried

The 3 of them looked at me with their sad eyes. I honestly don't know what to do I sat in there and just in time nurse came in Utau, Rima, and Kukai left and said goodbyes and resumed to their next classes. The nurse was doing a check-up on me and asked me what happen I just told I didn't get enough sleep that's all. Nurse looked at me in concern but that doesn't matter she said I could go back to class when next period started. Great my day has been a disaster; I honestly hate my life right now. One day I'm going leave this place and like it or not I rather die than be here in a society like this. I don't really care because sometime I get so sad, so sad that I completely shut down and I stare blankly at the wall and it doesn't matter what you say to me because in that moment I don't exist at all.

Bell rang I resumed to my classes 4th period gym class. I honestly didn't want to go to gym class with my left arm full of cuts. So I went back to the nurse asking for excuse note sit out gym. Luckily she wrote a note for me it was such a relief. I walked back to 4th period class I saw Utau she really looked concerned. I came up to her and talked to her.

"Ne Utau is there something wrong." I asked

"Yea there is…" Utau replied

"What is it?" I asked

"The fact that you're torturing yourself it kills me to see you like this." Utau said.

"Like I said Utau don't worry about me I'm fine." I replied.

"How can you say that when you made 10 new cuts and you took 6 sleeping pills. You know Amu the more you say "Don't worry about me" the more I get worried and that's not okay." Utau said.

"Look I'm sorry okay I can't help it. I'm trying and you know it's hard." I said

After that I started crying Utau rushed over and gave me a tight hug. She told me "looks Amu I'm sorry for acting this way but I'm really concerned about you..." I told I know you are but its hard okay. I wiped away my tears and gave the note to my gym teacher she just told me sit out that's all. I was in the gym and I was watching our class do the pacer I was lucky enough to get a note from the nurse. I'm going to real honest it was so boring watching them run I just sat there and did nothing. I even almost fell asleep that because it was boring and the effect of my pills. Wow I never thought that these pills would affect me this much. Finally 4th period ended I went back to the locker rooms and changed in to my regular clothes and when I was done I sat down and started to day dream again.

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**A/N- Hi guys Thanks for reading hope you like it I'm sorry for not updating in a while and I'm trying my best work on grammar it's really frustrating but yea. **

**Read and Review please. Please leave ideas or your opinion. **


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